platonic

11.11
when i started to writing this post, accidentally i look at the clock and saw the time is 11.11
it's kinda funny because i wanted to making a post about you and the lads and all the everything we had but my mind is actually thinking about you. And you know what else is funny?
Because our first name letter is start with 1.
hahahahaha it's silly i know
but somehow someway it makes my heart feel warm and ticklish, like there are many butterflies in it
well no harm to being like that huh?
after all, in the end it's me who had feeling for you, not you.
i don't even know what do you feel to me. don't know and (pretend) don't care *cross finger*
and it's me that will get hurt at the end.

you see, since first i met you, i don't feel anything beside respect. You are one of the most amazing person i ever met. Seriously. A few years ago, till now, i don't feel anything towards you. I like you, but as friends, clown, and someone that that i adore as brother. I never thought anything above that. Not even a bit. I just respect you. That's it.

but with time flew away, and we(as a group) started to playing together again, sometimes i feel different around you. it really is different. not the quick heartbeat when you around, not blushing face when i look at you, none at all.

it just..... sometimes i feel a huge urge only to see you, even though it's only for a second. and it comforts me.
weird huh? and a urge to have you around. hahahahahahhaahaha sooo cheeky.
but i enjoy it.
because i know what I am feeling right now is different, i feel like this time i don't have to tell anyone about this lil crush to him cause it wouldn't be necessary. I just want to enjoy this feeling alone and free. i don't dare to call this feeling 'love' or 'like'. it's more like 'remedy' to me. well maybe later, maybe i realize that i like/love him.
if that time comes, so what?
it's not like i will be together with him anyway.
i just had to keep this platonic feel in my heart for one and only me.